either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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