one word: firstdatebathroomanal
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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