You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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