i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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