Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
one might say we're banned from that church
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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