Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
