She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
