I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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