I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
