He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
