I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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