you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
