I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
