Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
