That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
