She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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