She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
