If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
