I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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