We named our party play list daddy issues
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
