There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
