Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
