I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
