she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
