Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
