it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
