If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
