I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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