every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
