I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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