Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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