i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
