i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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