We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
