He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
