So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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