have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
