And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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