i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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