DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
