How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
