someone owes me an orgasm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
