This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
