this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My dick has a subreddit
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
