i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
