How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
