Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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