Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
