dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
