Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
